i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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