we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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