If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
