I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
