they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
