even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
