AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
