I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
