This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize