so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
