we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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