Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
