Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
