Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sext me about skeletons
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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