How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
