he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
