why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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