I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
