Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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