Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
