Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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