Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
