just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
