when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
