i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
