Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
