Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize