just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
