Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
