WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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