watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my poor anus
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
