he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
