I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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