dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
