that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
