she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
worst night to have a conscience
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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