I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
