I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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