So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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