I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
