i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
pray to the hookup gods
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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