Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
