Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
