i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
