I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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