she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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