I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
