roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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