hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
