my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
