2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
