Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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