I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
