my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
