I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Terrible idea I love it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
