i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
