you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
