I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is Oprah even human
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
