um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
