1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
