at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
