Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
