The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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