I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
