Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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