so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
