remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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