good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize