Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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