Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
