I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
