It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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