that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
