I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
