Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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